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During that she was giving me a look which I never ever will forget. But since she was not good looking I was not at all showing any kind of interest or inclination towards her. I was rather busy with my wrist worker-spring and kept on working with that. Then she asked me to give it to her and explain what that was and wanted to give a try. As she tried on she felt a jolt and injured her left wrist. It is always very painful when you try it out for the first time. She wanted my help and I innocently tired to help her by massaging her left wrist. She was hot and I did not know even then her intentions. She asked me to keep on the massaging and in between she kept on pinching my hand with a mischievous smile. I just smiled back few times. I wanted to get rid of this embarrassing situation in front of my friends and other co-passengers. I got an opportunity when Raipur station came. I went down onto the platform and waited till the train starts again. Then I came in and sat on the side. I didn't turn on the light – bathrooms have mirrors, and I desperately didn't want to see myself. I fumbled for the toilet seat, lifted it, undid my jeans, and pushed them down. Steadying myself on the wall, I sat, and let flow.My pee smelled and stung. I peed a lot. Dehydration. Drink water dummy.And then I was like, Why? I was supposed to be dead. Peace and quiet and dead. Why couldn't I be dead? I couldn't even kill myself successfully, not even with pills and a bridge to jump off of. Fuck, Fuck, FUCK. I felt tears tickle the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want anything. What I wanted was nothing, or really, nothingness. I just wanted everything to be over.Sniffling, I wiped, pulled up my pants, flushed, and turned to the sink. Dixie cups, in a little dispenser. It was like I was a little girl again, playing with the Dixie cups in the bathroom and "slubbing" in the sink. Mamma!Mamma. Crap.I filled a little cup with water and drank, filled it again, drank again,.
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